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RAT ICHOR "6:58AM 12/16/2025"

i havnt slept in fucking days. no one cares.
 
4:58EMPTY DAZE. 5:29SLEEP. FINALLY. Awake 20 minutes after. WHAT THE HELLS AM, IM? covered in rats?!. 
PLEASEGODFUCKINGNOthis cant be real. I reach out, grease smudged catfur texturing.

"AHHHH WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!" fuckfuckfuckfucfk i just wanted to sleep fuck fuck fuck no nonnonononononononononononononononononononononononononono
I knock over 50 different boxs. loudly tripping hurridly out of the room.

frazzled fizzle pop 9 seconds of silence.

("Hey whats up")>dyke1.    FUCK   {enter stage right dyke1. dyke2 quickly follows behind.}
fuck i woke her up, and her too, fuck why did i scream, fuck what did yew do angel.

souless static scurry things attempted to posses my physical form while i was sleeping and as such i recited an incantation to ward them off.
"i woke up and there were fucking, uhm, rats, 3 of em. on the fucking blanket. it was scary as fuck and i screamed. sorry"

STATIC LOADING STATE.      Room play go shuffle.  tea and pullout couches. "YES OR NO". "5AM TUESDAY KETAMINE". PLEASE HELP ME. GOD PLEASE SAVE ME IM SORRY IM SORRY.
               Shallow shelled breakdowns. Whispered paranoia. imsorryimsorryimsorry. fuck. OH IM GOING INTO PSYCHOSIS NO WAIT IM FINE. NO I DONT KNOW. i dont know..
please dear god someone talk to me. aknowledge im alive. aknowledge im real, that im experienceing reality. fuck whats happening.

"are you sure it was real" she asks. i, i was, "it was" , i, was it, am i? rats, RATFINK FUCK SHIT. SHES GOING TO THINK IM LIENG FOR ATTENTION.

(innnocence exit stage left. guilt enteres room) S P I R A L.

bye dyke1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 all the numbers and dykes goodbye. exit stage left. *exhale*
-------------------a
------------------------door
----------------closes
----------------------distantly
--------i
-------------am
--------------------alone
----again
AHHH!! i yelp again. i feel little feet scurry on me, its not real. this isnt real i say to myself hoping positive affirmation
 of reality will work for the first fucking time ever.

"fuck im schizoing out" i say to no one in particular. empty living room, ruby red, rough but soft. the cotton is worn out.

Theyll blame me forever. like i summoned the tiny evils. it was null void before me. before this. they were gone, hidey hole hell dweller children.

fucking grease fur fucks.
fuck i can hear them, gnawing in the walls, squeaking like the wheels on my middleschools crt tv cart. we'd watch bill nye on it sometimes, that was nice. lets go back
  i know thats a lie. i know i didnt go to middle school. whatever fuck let me dream delusionally. its not like im gonna get any sleep.
    every day a new fearplayscape, retroactively consented to for me without me. *sigh*
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Im done writing now fuck off. im gonna go brave delusional paranoid psychosis alone

conversation with the devil

Angel: Im on my last bridge to burn holding lighters in both hands.
Angel: Talking about a future with the devil.
XwX: How poetic.